Our Recommendation for President

New Yorker Endorsement

Rolling Stone Interview

Boko and I decided that if we ever ran for Prez/VP, our platform would be "War is bad, beer is good, Jesus was a hippie, pie for everyone!" Even with that half-assed yet ambitious set of ideals, we couldn't do any worse than the current administration.

In the brief span of four years, we've managed to alienate ourselves from any form of respectable global policy, put hundreds of thousands of people out of work, and get over 1000 Americans (and countless Iraqi civilians) killed in a country that has as much association with 9/11 as Canada, while Osama Bin Laden was able to escape capture.

Bush's ban on stem-cell research is a policy based on religion, not science and advancement. The president seems to think we're going to open up an evil, baby cloning factory to carry out gruesome experiments. In reality, fertility clinics have thousands of unused embryos that could be used for stem cell research rather than be destroyed in vain. Do it for Mikey J. Fox, yo.

Bush's proposed constitutional amendment is another frightening thrust of religion overstepping it's bounds into policy making. There's no excuse to limit civil rights just because your invisible man in the clouds might have said being gay is a sin. We're a democracy, not a theocracy. Although if Theo-cracy meant that Malcolm Jamal Warner was our leader, I'd be all for it.

I could go on, but I don't want to. We're supposed to be funny. Go vote tomorrow. Vote no on Issue 1. Vote Fingerhut over Voinovich. If you're in Barbertucky, vote yes for the schools. And please, please, vote for John Kerry. It's 2004, let's have a president that acts like it, because "Yeehaw!" is not a good foreign policy.

The Jesus Petes are not responsible, though they are responsible for the content of this ad.