The Story of Thansgiving

Once upon a time five minutes ago, Joey had to do a school project about Thanksgiving. But he had a problem! Since there were no good movies or tv shows about Thanksgiving, he didn't know anything about it. Joey was sad, but then someone popped out of the oven with a stink and a shout!

"Rarrrrrrr, I am the Ghost of Thanksgiving Past! I'm here to teach you about the mysterious origins of Thanksgiving!"

"But you look like Skeletor," said Joey, who was ready to pass out from sniffing oven cleaner.

"I have two jobs, times are tight!" said Skeletor, aka the Ghost of Thanksgiving past on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 3:00-9:00.

Then off the two went, on a magical journey.

Ben Franklin was a very smart pilrgrim man. He invented lots of things, like bifocals, communism, and soft tacos. But his most important invention was Thanksgiving. Ben Franklin got all his great ideas from his genius superpowers that he got when he was struck by lightning while trying to invent the flux capacitor.

Ben's pilgrim friends were sad. They had just moved to America, the Land of Opportunity, but were too busy having fun throwing witches into lakes to have time to grow any food. It was almost winter, and they were very hungry. One pilgrim named Christopher Columbus wanted to shoot the Indians, so that the pilgrims could eat them. But Ben Franklin had a better idea, thanks to his lightning-super-brain. He thought that they should invite the Indians to a party. That way they would all become friends, and could help eachother out. "They can give us corn, maize, and corn-maize, and we can help them move to the sunny west coast! he said.

But Ben Franklin was a very impatient man. He decided that it would be easier, and more fun, to just shoot the Indians when they weren't looking. Then the pilgrims would be able to do whatever they wanted, and the King of England would let them throw tea off of boats any time they felt like it. All the Indians that didn't get shot moved to the middle of nowhere, where they discovered casino gambling and hard drugs. But one old Indian named Doug Sleeping Monkey was not happy, and put a curse on the pilgrims and their new lands.

"One day these people will have a leader that is a bigger illiterate alcoholic than any of us could ever dream of being. Then we will have our revenge!" Doug shouted.

And so every year everyone gathers around to give thanks that Doug's curse hasn't come true. Until this year that is. Now we give thanks that there is a place called Canada that we can go hide if things get totally ferkukkered.