Take that, conversation hearts!

This has got me thinking, there are other ways to eat Sweet-Tarts than just chomping right into them. Is it possible that at some point there were other Sweet-Tart consumption instructions etched into deliciously compressed sugar pucks?

I'm guessing yes. My theories? Lick 'Em and Suck 'Em, of course.

"So where did they go?" I bet you're wondering. Either that, or, "Why is Mike on such a string of craptastic posts?" I can answer both those questions!

First of all, let's not fool ourselves, my posts have always been pretty craptastic.

Secondly, Sweet Tarts have become another innocent victim of the uptight mini-mom-soccer-van set, much like 2-Live Crew, gay Muslim abortion doctors, and the maid from old Tom and Jerry cartoons.

I didn't realize that Willy Wonka was such a patsy, but apparently Gene Wilder portrayed a much more steadfast candyman than Roald Dahl had intended. Come on, Willy! If you can let a fat German kid get sucked up your chocolate plumbing (don't even SAY it, sicko), you can stand up to these clowns. Do it for Grandpa Joe, he loves the naughty candy.

What? He was in bed with two girls and a guy 24-7. He's about as innocent as Sacco and Vanzetti. Yeah, that one was for you law schoolers, unfair trial and whatnot.

Mike